Whatever sport was on the TV, we were playing that in the backyard. Jase was a jovial guy. He made everyone laugh when they walked into a room. He was always smiling.

He was popular at school, and an amazing sportsman. We got along like a house on fire. I made the big trip down to Sydney when I was 18 and became a carpenter. As soon as Jase finished school he followed suit and became a carpenter too. We lived together in Sydney and shared a car driving to work. There was little time spent not living under the same roof.

My brother went through depression in his early 20s, but he saw someone about it, and he dealt with it by playing sports and getting lots of exercise. He was a carpenter by trade so he was always very physical that way. He seemed to get through it, but it came on again in his late 20s. In the six months leading up to Jase’s passing, my mum and I saw what he went through. His suffering was immense and he was in and out of hospital. I would always say to him that, “I will never, ever give up on you.”

MAKING SENSE OF GRIEF

When Jase took his life, it was a massive shock. It was absolutely devastating – not only because he was no longer here, but because he couldn’t live the life he should have.

It was 3 months before my wedding to Kat and Jase was to be my best man.

I heard a good saying which is that ‘grief is love with nowhere to go’ and it was evident at Jase’s funeral. I could see all the people there with so much love to give to someone that they didn’t even know was suffering. I wanted to take the love that everyone had for him and turn it into something meaningful; to keep Jase alive in spirit.

I often spoke to Jase when he was suffering, about traveling around Australia. When we got my brother’s ashes, I decided that riding my bike around Australia and raising awareness for mental health was a good way to remember him. It was cathartic for me, to have time alone with him, raise money for The Black Dog Institute and spread the message to those who were still here and suffering. If cycling around Australia, spreading awareness and lowering the stigma of mental illness could save even one life, it would be worth it. That person could have been Jase.

CONNECTION IS EVERYTHING

Some of the most profound memories of the ride were due to the people I met along the way. I felt so proud of those who approached me to share their experiences. There was one day in particular – we were riding up to Cape York. I had a two-way radio that was on channel 40, which is one that the truck drivers used. I used it to communicate with my wife, Kat, who was in the camper van driving around Australia as my support team along side my mother following close behind in a caravan.

None of the truck drivers realised that I could listen in to all their conversations. They were saying, “What an idiot. What’s he doing on the road?” One of them said, “Well, this guy’s different.” That stuck with me, because I thought if I want to raise awareness and money, I have to be different. I spoke to him and he was taken aback that I’d heard him, but we started a conversation. In a matter of minutes, we were talking about how he lost his daughter to suicide. He said that he’d never talked to his mates about it. There were a few truck drivers like that, who talked to me about things they hadn’t told anyone before.

Towards the end of the ride, on the Nullarbor, we found out that Kat was pregnant. When we finally rode into Manly – after 20,000 kilometres, achieving a Guinness World Record for “The longest distance by bicycle in a single country” and having raised $386,217 for The Black Dog Institute – we didn’t tell anyone the news. Two days later, we discovered we were pregnant with twin girls. I want my daughters to always feel comfortable talking about their feelings. Sometimes I feel like our twins were a gift from my brother, because they are mates, they’ve got each other for life. It’s pretty special.

LEAN ON YOUR MATES

My brother and I were both in construction, so when I got back from the ride, I started to look into the statistics. Construction workers are more than twice as likely to suicide than others in general, and six times more likely to die from suicide than from a workplace accident. You’ve got men in a male-dominated environment, who aren’t always good at dealing with their feelings. The stigma is quite bad.

For R U OK? Day this year, we’re flying the flag for Mates in Construction. It’s a not-for-profit organisation that provides free suicide first aid courses, to people in construction. They want to get as many people in construction, mining and energy to do this course so they can look out for each other.

For men in particular – having a mate who can pick you up when you’ve gone off the rails, is massive. It’s hard to bring yourself out of that when you’re under those dark clouds, battling with your demons and suffering from the black dog.

KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE

Everyone goes through anxious or depressing times in their life, but so many of us are battling by ourselves. If there’s more awareness out there, we can understand it better. I’m a strong believer that mental health awareness should start in schools. Kids need to be taught that in life you will face adversity, that it’s okay to face adversity and that it may cause serious mental challenges that you will need to overcome.

When starting conversations about mental health, creating a safe space that allows people to feel comfortable about opening up is crucial. On the ride, it was easy, because I wore my intention on my sleeve. It was all about spreading the word and it started with being vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to tell people about yourself. Maybe you’ve struggled in your life or there were times when you’ve had difficulties. That might help someone else to relate to your story or dive into what it is they’re battling with themselves.

The key is to listen very, very well when they do talk back. The truth is, everyone’s the same: we all want human connection. Everyone wants to be loved and to be heard. That’s all we want. If we can do that for each other, the world’s a better place for everyone.